'Tis the season.

Are you feeling Christmassy yet? You should be, because it’s Christmas Eve everyone! Meaning only one thing: tomorrow is Christmas Day! Sounds obvious but apparently some people don’t know this.

Take Amazon for example, it’s now Christmas Eve and they still haven’t delivered my packages, but they have guaranteed me that I’ll receive them before tomorrow. Yep, I’m fully expecting a knock at the door at 23.59 tonight. If not, then there will be hell to pay!

I chose to shop online, mainly to avoid the horrible queues over Christmas. There’s nothing worse than standing in a queue down at HMV or Game, meandering around the entire store thinking of all the wonderful things you could be doing with your time instead of listening to an old woman complain about the lack of batteries in some lame plastic product.

Plus Amazon is open 24 hours. Well, there’s Tesco of course, but with Amazon you can browse and shop without any trolley rage and you can simply get into the store without being hassled by a bunch of spotty chavs asking if you can buy them some cigarettes. It really is bad for your skin sunshine.

Forget Christmas cheer! Amazon have stolen my money! I ordered my pressies over the net on the fifth of the festive month and have I received a sausage? No, I haven’t. Yes, my dad likes sausages what do you want from me? It’s blatant theft. This is treason of the highest order! And an email saying they’re very sorry isn’t going to cut it!

They must be punished for this outrage. I am hereby declaring the dismemberment of Jersey from the British isles! France can have it. Tough luck Amazon but that’s what you get for treason against me and our Queen. Au revoir.

Ah well, here’s hoping I’ll receive it before the day is out, but I won’t be holding my breath. So what can be done to ease the Christmassy stressors? Well, there’s always the trusty TV.

There’s not a great deal on tonight, the main highlight is probably QI, which is probably the best thing on the beeb right now. On just before that is a My Family Christmas special which is always a fun jaunt. The soaps are on, dishing out the daily serving of depression. Ho ho ho. And Paul O’Grady is on for an hour at 9pm.

As for Christmas Day itself there’s a few things on. BBCs traditional animated flick of the day this year is not a Pixar one unfortunately, instead it’s Shrek the Third, which I’ve never bothered to watch, so that’s in the maybe pile. Doctor Who is on at 6pm and could be worth a watch as, well, Doctor Who is actually pretty good drama these days and not only that Michael Gambon is in it! Dumbledore for crying out loud! Strictly Come Dancing might be worth a watch too, it features the same usual no name cast, but Vince Cable is on it! How utterly random, there could be murder in the dance floor if his partner secretly works for the Telegraph.

Top Gear is on again, so if, like me, you didn’t even realise it was on the other day, it’s repeated at 7pm and there's another special on Boxing Day too. Should be a laugh. More of a laugh at least than the Royle Family that’s on at 9pm on BBC1, don’t bother, this show used to be so good, now it’s awful and is about as subtle as a cock-flight in a petting zoo.

That’s about it really, there are plenty of movies on over the festive period. Avatar is on Sky Movies pretty much all the time, in 3D apparently. Forget that. Other film highlights on Christmas Day include, The Muppet Christmas Carol at 8.50am on Channel 4, Madagascar at 12.25pm on BBC1 , Stranger than Fiction at 6.45pm on Five and of course Die Hard is on at 9pm on Film4!

As for Christmas Eve, well, there’s Uncle Buck at 9pm on ITV3, Prince Caspian at 5.15pm on BBC1, but if you’re in the mood for a classic Christmas film look no further than Scrooge with Alastair Sim, on Five at 4pm. What can I say about this movie? Other than it is the best version of a Christmas Carol that’s ever been made. I defy you to find me a better Scrooge than Alastair Sim, no one has ever come close to capturing the essence of the character quite like him. I think I’ll be giving that a watch this year again. I watch it every year, that’s how good it is!

So yes, plenty to watch over Christmas, why was I angry again? Time to sit back with a smooth beverage and a mince pie, put my feet up and wait for Santa to come. Ah sweet relaxation. Holy crap was that the doorbell!?