Sharing is Caring.

Since I started using Twitter my time spent on Facebook naturally decreased but recently I’ve all but stopped using Zuckerberg’s networking behemoth entirely. It got me thinking about why I’d stopped using it and the more I thought about it the more obvious the answers were. I don’t think it’s one specific reason but a collection of several…

There’s the the new Timeline feature which is a bit of a pain but I don’t think that’s the reason. When I first got it imposed on me I didn’t know what to do with it, but in time I figured it out and I don’t actually mind it that much. However the timeline does ruin the pages (or likes) feature as I’ve seen working in small businesses trying to build up their social network presence. It is abysmal for them and I’m still surprised it hasn’t been modified yet…

I think what annoys me the most about Facebook from an individual standpoint is the endless obsession with sharing everything. I mean, don’t get me wrong, sharing is great and all but I am getting a little fed up with being encouraged to do so all the time by Facebook. Tell us where you are! Update your status! Tell the world what you bought off Amazon! It’s all a bit bizarre…

Me sharing stuff is one thing, but the worst thing about it is it’ll share things that I do without my consent. For example when I read an article on the Guardian or the Independent all seems well but I when I go on Facebook a few days later I find that somehow it knows and has told all my friends I read some random article about something completely irrelevant. This is probably the main reason I don’t log in to Facebook at all now, that way it can’t stalk me across the internet like some sort of hungry curly haired robotic lion…

Then of course there are those applications that haunt each and every one of us. The main perpetrator is probably Spotify, a music service that sounds great but forces you to link it up to Facebook meaning your poor friends get bombarded with what you listened to recently. Ask yourself this: do you actually care at all what someone has listened to? Do you really want to tell everyone what you listened to when you woke up this morning? It’s not exactly high on your agenda I imagine and yet Facebook relentlessly harvests your tunes and slaps them all over your timeline. It’s irritating. I don’t know why Facebook put a ticker feature into the site; all it does is tell me what people are listening to…

Another thing Facebook used to share all the time was my game activity. I don’t play Facebook games really but I did used to play Words with Friends when that was all the rage. Problem was once I’d played it and come out of it, my timeline was chocka with things like ‘Andy scored 60 points on Words with Friends’ or ‘Andy played the word dog on Words with Friends’. It’s irritating; nobody cares what I did on Words with Friends so stop telling everyone!

I’m sure Facebook games are a great way of wasting time but they’ve become a reason for me not to log in. Every single time I log into it I have a notification, and I look at it and think “hooray I’m popular!” Turns out I’m not popular at all, it’s just some nobber from my friends list sending me a game request or some poker chips or something tedious and annoying like that. Seriously I have more game requests on my Facebook than I have actual friends. It’s embarrassing.

And if they’re not sending me poker chips they’re unwittingly being used to promote adverts. I hate it when I see some stupid advert in the corner for some random brand and it suggests I like it because hey, my friends like it! Seriously I saw one the other week that was for Mars bars. Fifteen of my friends like Mars bar… what is all that about? Don’t get me wrong Mars bars are great but why do you feel the need to tell Facebook you like it, can’t you just like it without confessing your undying love for it via a like?

Okay, maybe Mars update their feed with hilarious little quips that keep people coming back for more, but that doesn’t explain the worst I’ve ever seen. Funny. Yes funny. Several of my friends like ‘Funny’. WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT? Honestly you click on it and it’s just a picture of a smiling man and a Wikipedia entry for the word FUNNY. 1,983,198 ‘like’ that! As if not liking it would mean you don’t like funny things…

That’s the thing really, the Facebook like pages are a bit weird, some of them are quite useful and update you on stuff you’re interested in, you could like a film magazine for example and they’ll throw up content you want to see, but there are others out there that are there to be liked for the purpose of being liked.

There’s nothing necessarily wrong with it, saying what you like, but I don’t really see why I should. For example, several people list their favourite bands or favourite films, this is fine and all but say you meet a nice girl or a nice guy and you’re getting to know them. It’s fun! But Facebook ruins it by giving you a run-down of their likes. I personally find it’s much better to learn what they like through them rather than a Facebook profile. I suppose this is a personal preference I’m sure many people prefer having a list of what their new girlfriend or boyfriend like, I just don’t and I wouldn’t ever go looking on profiles to find out. It’s boring.

Of course there are the updates from your friends themselves. Some people post cool things on Facebook and some people flood your timeline with bile. I won’t get into it but you know the drill… So and so is in ‘bed’; what’s his name watered his plants on Farmville; oh look a photo of someone’s food… we’ve all seen it. Most people who post all that rubbish I haven’t seen since high school and couldn’t tell you the first thing about them, apart from what they watched on Netflix last night…

I have two particular bug bears with my Facebook friends, I’m not sure if everyone else gets this but I certainly do… a lot!

The first is couples. Ah couples, how lovely you are, frolicking on Facebook showing pictures of you doing coupley things like hugging and… eating. That’s totally cool. I’m happy for them as are many others but God forbid you should be friends with both of them. You see, the problem is you get to see their interactions with one-another and after a while it gets very cringey and very nauseating.

My question is this: why, when you are a couple, do you write on your partner’s wall to tell them how much you love them or crap like that? Why? You must have their number right? Why not text them or give them a call? Left your phone at home? Ah, well why not email them, or PRIVATE MESSAGE them? Why do you feel the need to tell everyone that you love your boyfriend or girlfriend? I am fed up of seeing this:

Facebook friend A > Facebook friend B: Love you lots sweety, you’re the best xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just… stop it.

Naturally all that love leads somewhere… that’s right, babies. This is probably my biggest pet-hate on Facebook and it can’t just happen to me, I’ve seen so much of it that everyone must get this problem too; a non-stop supply of baby photos from new parents. Seriously, I do not get this at all. Why post baby photos on Facebook? If I had a child, sure I’d be taking loads of photos but what I’d probably do is MAKE MY OWN PRIVATE ALBUM! That way I can look back at them fondly instead of chucking them into the Facebook abyss…

But they don’t feel that would be suitable enough, they simply MUST show every photo they have of their child to every single one of their Facebook friends every single day! If you want to post baby photos put them on Path for crying out loud, that way your family and close friends can follow you there and you can show them instead of saturating Facebook with all your sodding photos! I really, really want someone to make a new social network for them where they can post baby photos to their heart’s content and leave me the hell alone. Babybook must be made!

Looking at all that evidence it’s hardly a surprise that I don’t go on Facebook any more. There is literally one thing that stops me from deactivating it though and that is private messages. I usually use Facebook to message people online instead of using my actual email account. That’s the only reason you’ll find my account still activated…

Because that’s all Facebook is now. Glorified email.