WBMs of 2011.

Last year produced many good movies, but there was also more than one or two bad ones. Those movies you see the trailer for and wonder how they got the money together to make such rubbish. Now, unless I’m being paid, I’m just not going to watch movies that look like tripe and I will go out of my way to avoid them. I don’t care if im seeing them for free, I’m wasting my valuable time so I’ll stay well away when I can. These movies I have, rather lovingly, dubbed WBMs. Wide Berth Movies.

So here’s my list, in no particular order, of 2011’s WBMs...

Bad Teacher

Put Cameron Diaz in a movie with Justin Timberlake and what do you get? Bad Teacher. Judging by the trailer alone I could tell just how much this movie was going to suck. Crude jokes, obnoxious characters, not even Jason Segel could save it.

Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1

I could not bring myself to watch this movie. I was so tempted as many said it was the worst thing they’d seen in decades but in the end I chickened out. I don’t think I could watch over an hour of this drivel. I love how they’re milking it with two parts as well. Might as well make the money while you can I suppose.

Immortals

Now, Thor was tacky in parts but Immortals made it look like Avatar for crying out loud. Obviously it was trying to be like 300 in its macho image but it just failed miserably with its boring plot and ridiculous props like the helmet with a 6 foot spike on top. Big and stupid. Avoided.

Friends with Benefits

What do you get if you take the Seinfeld episode ‘The Deal’ and make it into a full length feature film? Friends with Benefits unfortunately. Justin Timberlake was in a couple of movies this year that just did not appeal to me. Surprising considering how good he was in The Social Network.

In time

Again, Timberlake.

Horrid Henry

In a promo interview someone representing the movie said this would be bigger than Harry Potter on the basis that there are more books for Horrid Henry. I think you need quality not quantity in reality. This movie looked dire; and apparently it was as dire as it looked.

The Smurfs

What the Smurf? The trailer alone had the word Smurf substituting nouns, verbs and adjectives at least 7 billion times. I would have gone mad if I’d watched the whole thing!

Abduction

The Twilight crew are doing their best to shake of the shackles of the Vampiric drivel. Abduction was an attempt to make Taylor Lautner appear to be some sort of action hero. Looked like a complete and total joke. I’d rather watch a John Cena movie.

The Change-Up

Jason Bateman described this movie as “garbage.” He wasn’t wrong. Two people swap bodies and they do funny things like… sleep with women I guess. Yawn.

Anuvahood

Adam Deacon won a BAFTA the other week, all be it voted for by the public. I really don’t get his appeal if I’m honest and this movie looked pretty cringeworthy. Didn’t give it a second thought… until now obviously.

Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son

Oh dear God…

Zookeeper

This was many people’s worst film of the year. Fed up of playing Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Kevin James decided to be Paul Blart: Zookeeper. This looked like a typical Adam Sandler movie, I’m not 12, I’m not American, and therefore I didn’t watch it.

Red Riding Hood

This movie has a really pathetic female character, I thought we were past this but apparently not with the Twilight movie and this crap being released in the same year. What was Gary Oldman thinking doing this?

Your Highness

I’ve completely gone off the kind of comedy Your Highness promotes. It’s crude, boring and non-thought provoking. For the slow minded only.

Apollo 18

Horror on the moon. Let me guess, in space no one can hear you scream. Moving on…

New Year’s Day

This genre needs strangling. NOW! Take a public holiday of some description, like Valentine’s Day or New Year’s Day, and then throw together as many cast members as possible. Next you find Jon Bon Jovi, throw him in the mix and then try and cover about 28 storylines in one movie. The result is horrific. Stay away.

Arthur

Russell Brand should not be allowed in movies. As soon as I see him the movie becomes a WBM instantaneously. I think his novelty has worn off now; Arthur looked like a movie that should have come out in 2008.

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

High pitched voices, again. Why won’t they go away? Give kids some credit; you can’t just have squeaky voices and expect the cash to flow. Hopefully this is the end for the series.

The Hangover Part II

Ken Jeong (Deep Wang) was in it. That’s enough to avoid it. Did you know he has a degree in medicine or something? Who does he think he is? Harry Hill? The Hangover Part II is simply the first movie in a different location just so the producers can cash in on the previous success. Saw through it.

The Inbetweeners Movie

Another quick cash in. We’ll be seeing Fresh Meat movie soon no doubt.

Never Say Never

Yes, this list would not be complete without the Justin Bieber movie. This is sheer exploitation. Take a talentless boy who says ‘shawty’ and make a big movie about him and his rise to fame just so his millions of teenage fans can flock to the theatres to see it. Easy money. There’ll be a sequel no doubt. Never Say Never Again.