The most depressing thing has been happening over the past couple of weeks. Something so disheartening that even Carole Smillie goes into hibernation. No, I’m not talking about the X-Factor I am of course talking about our big, bold, beautiful sun. Yes, as I write this at 7.45pm the sun is a distant memory over the horizon of nothingness, which can only mean one thing. Winter is upon us.
So much for waiting for the summer. I genuinely can’t remember any summer at all. I seem to recall a week long warm patch back in May but that’s about as good as it got. Now before you know it it’ll be wet, windy, freezing and pitch black as you leave the office to head back to your dreary little town house.
Co-incidentally this horrible series of events has happened just as Daybreak has begun on ITV. It’s not exactly making life any easier for us now is it. You now wake up in the morning all boggle eyed, scrambling for the remote in order to get your first bit of sustenance from your trusty television, only to find Adrian Chiles and Frank Lampard’s girlfriend greeting you with a cheery grin. I say cheery, Bleakley seems to have mastered it but Chiles seems to be visiting the same smile doctor as the Right Honourable Gordon Brown. It’s like watching a bear wipe its arse with a pine cone.
You may have heard that the big transfer news over the summer was Chiles and Bleakley from BBC’s The One Show to ITV’s brand new morning annoyance Daybreak. Chiles went first complaining about Chris Evans (which is fair enough, we’ve all been there) but Bleakley took a while to make up her mind. In the end she left, but she stuck around long enough for the Beeb to take a cell sample from her and clone her. Yes the BBC have replaced the dynamic due with a burly Manc and Bleakley 2.0.
Now, the burly Manc I speak of is none other than comedian Jason Manford, who suffers a bit from ‘northern comedian syndrome’. He’s a bit like a poor man’s Peter Kay. He’s not that bad to be fair to him, to put him in perspective he’s not quite as good as Peter Kay but he’s still miles better than Paddy McGuinness. And if you don’t know who Paddy McGuiness is, he’s from the Greggs adverts, looks like John O’Shea, about as funny as a JCB running over your feet. Twice.
ITV didn’t just steal the presenters mind you. The got the set designer too. Daybreak’s is pretty similar to The One Show’s except it’s purple, very purple. The set has a massive glass window showing off the city of London in all it’s smoggy glory. Seriously you can see bugger all through it. The times I’ve watched it all I’ve seen is three seagulls fighting over a falling cigarette end one of them dropped and what looks like cranes building what I can only assume is a giant green screen so ITV can just put up a pretend sunrise instead of the bleakfest Londoners are subjected to these days.
Now, to be fair, I’m all in favour of Daybreak. I do kind of like it, a bit of a guilty pleasure I suppose, but I’ll take anything to alleviate the horror that was GMTV. A morning show so simple it was just plain insulting at times. Remember when they used to send Keith Chegwin round to some poor sod’s house first thing in the morning. I used to love it when no one answered the door. I’d rather answer the door to Noel Edmonds than that little git. As for the other presenters of sheer bland I’d rather line them all up and catapult them to a far away land using a giant slingshot just so that no one can be subjected to their drivel any longer.
But of all the absolute morons that presented GMTV my absolute worst was always Andrew Castle. I just cant stand the man. He’d be given special treatment, instead of the oversized slingshot I’d have to build a trebuchet just for him, one big enough to send him into orbit. Let’s see you belittle your audience from there you smug ferryman. Every morning I’d turn on the TV and there he was sat upright, next to whoever drew the short straw that week, with his smirking face and hidden eyes talking at you with his innate attitude of sheer patronization, argh it’s enough to make me watch Breakfast.
So thank goodness it’s gone. No longer do I have to put up with the horrible 80s set. No longer do I have to watch the painful chemistry between Kate Garraway and Ben Shepherd. And no longer do I have to sit and watch Andrew bloody Castle every morning. For that reason alone Daybreak is absolutely brilliant in my eyes. Now I only have to put up with him during Wimbledon.
Daybreak’s supporting cast are also better than GMTV's, yes Garraway is still on it, but she’s been given a minor role in entertainment thankfully. As for the weather girl she isn’t really the best, I’d imagine she’s a graduate, or a Blue Peter presenter because she has no idea what she’s doing. I’ve seen her a couple of times and each time I’ve found my self looking over my shoulder because that’s where she’s staring in to. She looks like she’s reading her lines off a large piece of card being held by an unusually tall man slightly to the right of the camera. What is she gawping at!? I really want to know! Is it a mouse? Jim Davidson? The apocalypse? What are you staring at woman!?
Old favourite Dr Hillary is still on it, giving out some mild advice, that can be found in leaflets, to the general public. John Stapleton’s been sent out into the field to find news, gives him something to do I suppose. And they’ve kept GMTV newboy Dan Lobb to read the sport, which is great news for him as he must have been having nightmares of going back to Sky Sports News to repeat himself over and over again to the unemployed.
As for Chiles and Bleakley they’re as much a married couple as ever. They’re not too bad. Better than the previous generation were. It’s pretty much The One Show's setup only it’s found during cereal time rather than tea time. The content is pretty much the same as GMTV: news, sport, ads, a guest, a chatette, ads, weather, ads, feature story. You get the idea. I have noticed though that a lot of their content is just ripped straight off YouTube, like the penalty save that wasn’t or the running dreaming dog. They cut short the YouTube clip and invite you the audience to text in and let them know which one you want to see more of. Which leads me to question: why don’t they just go on YouTube and watch them all yourself. It’d save you a text, and save you the adverts, actually no there’d probably be more adverts. Fair enough keep on texting.
Yes it could be improved. They could have an actual backdrop, they could have bettered the content of the actual show and they could stop trying to cosy up to me whilst I’m still trying to get the sleep out of my eyes, but otherwise I’m pretty happy it’s on.
What I’m not happy about is the fact that at the start of The One Show the great outdoors looks exactly the same as the start of Daybreak. It makes me feel so sad, so very very sad. I’m looking out into the darkness, dreaming of what could have been, wondering if the sun will rise tomorrow morning. All being well it will, but that's the least of my worries right now, Cheggers is at the door.
***
(Seriously though, Alex Jones and Christine Bleakley have got to be twins, or at least sisters.)
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